Horse Meat, Schmorse Meat

Two Dutch wholesalers have been found to have been supplying up to 500 companies across Europe, wrongly labelled horse meat. How much further will the food-fraud scandal go?

Horse meat, schmorse meat, we’ve been eating it for years.

Wait, what? Is that what M&S meant by not just any old bit of meat?

Yes, probably. The reality is though horse used to make up part of our average daily diet back in the cavemen days and in some countries it still does. It was only in the 1930s that eating horse in the UK went out of fashion.

But it’s Black Beauty fried and served with chips!

And delicious it is too. As you well know, remember that late night Findus lasagne no-one was meant to know about? 

I was drunk.

Thinking of horses just as pets or friendly farm animals is speciesism, actually eating them has shown to be good for our health and could provide an alternative sustainable food source.

I don’t want anyone to think I’m a speciesist, I’ll end up in the Daily Mail!

Hold your horses. 50,000 tonnes has been recalled but it’s highly likely – unless you don’t eat meat – that somewhere down the line you’ve already tucked into Shergar.

Oh. nice pun by the way. Could it kill us though? Can I have it on the Atkins?

Don’t be stupid. Apart from making us all feel a bit funny about eating it the whole horse meat thing is a relatively small deal. What is more important is the correct labelling of our food and the necessity to be able to trace all its ingredients. 

You mean the discovery of this dodgy beef could lead to something more sinister?

Exactly, it could be a terrorist ploy to take over the Western world with doctored dinners.

Really?!

No. But if they’re not getting the basics right, the biggest ingredient in our Findus lasagne for example, how hard are they finding it to make the bechamel sauce? And what might they be using instead?

And if we’ve all been eating horses all this time, where have all the surplus saved cows been hiding?

Exactly.

‘A source close to the star said-’

Waking up at 3am with Morrissey’s First of the Gang to Die in my head got me thinking about the new press regulations. 

 

For a start what the hell does it all mean? I’ve read everything I can find on the matter and I still can’t make much sense of it. We all hate Hacked Off now do we? Or is that just Louise Mensch? Is our free press to become Pravda? And do I follow Louise Mensch? (On Twitt obvs. Not the street.)

 

Questions. Questions.

 

Far fetched it may be, but at 3am I did start to wonder how a regulatory body chosen by an appointments panel, from what I understand, may be open to exploitation by high powered business-criminals with enough money and sway to make Russian oligarchs disappear? 

 

I did say it was far fetched.

 

What do these new regulations mean though for investigative journalism?The proper, at its roots stuff, that digs out killer facts from discarded blotting paper or the lengthy analysis of reports. The press has a responsibility to publish truths of course and it is possible to come to them not via the common theft of phones or hacking email accounts but through actual, long, tiring, work. 

 

When did we lose faith in the ability of the press and where did all the good journos go? If it’s a problem that there are no real investigative journalists left anymore (which I don’t believe) I would be happy to point any newspaper editor in the direction of several that I know that would be very grateful for full time work. 

 

Apparently regulations will ‘exclude bloggers, tweeters and social networking’ but for how long? Until someone tweets something the panel doesn’t like? What’s the cut off point between blog and news based website? when does a blog get taken seriously? I’m thinking particularly of people like Guido Fawkes, Perez Hilton and the Vagenda. All vastly different, all have risen to notoriety through blogging and social media. 

 

As Morrissey said, the newspaper world hands them stardom, and there is a wider cause though for a lack of respect of our national voices. Comment and opinion has become the order of the day but comment is only free til it costs a million pounds and a front page apology.

 

 

 

Dating for Women that Hate Themselves

http://vagendamag.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/dating-for-women-who-hate-themselves.html

In which I slate “The Rules”

What do Christmas movies really teach us?

This list is a work in progress, feel free to add to it

1. There is always one shit sibling. The black sheep. Overlooked due to the moral superiority of their brother or sister, devoid of Christmas spirit and the voice of derision.

2. Anything can be glossed over by the “spirit” of Christmas. You’ve lost your job/house/dog? That unrelenting and unquantifiable Christmas “spirit” won’t solve your problems but will ease your woes. Why? Because it’s Christmas!

3. There is ALWAYS a happy ending. Thanks in part to that spirit again, or in some films actual spirits. Of course there’s a happy ending, we couldn’t have Macauley Culkin being burgled, beaten up and left for dead. That just wouldn’t be cricket or Christmas.

4. Moral values. The great thing about morals in Christmas movies is that they’re always black and white. Naughty OR nice. Good OR bad. See again Home Alone’s burglars taking a well deserved iron to the face. The morals of Macauley’s parents however are questionable and definitely justify a neglect case.

5. Reality sucks. For the other 11 months of the year when it’s not officially “Christmas time” the weather is a constant hindrance, people are only nice to you on your birthday and your problems are met with sarcastic snorts rather than the jolly rallying round of your neighbours.

6. Which is why we all wish we lived in some permanent Christmas world. With soft white snow that doesn’t turn to sludge under our feet. Enough twinkly fairy lights to be seen from space and really get that global warming going. Elves everywhere, candy canes, unrestrained joy, who wouldn’t want that? Everyone. Eating chocolate Brazils everyday would soon lost it’s appeal.

7.At the end of the day morality goes out the window and we’re all children deserving of a treat. You can be the worst person in the world, quite literally pee on the parade, yet because of those intoxicating mulled wine fumes all is forgiven. You probably had a horrible childhood (shit sibling) or your dog died on Christmas Day, but you were an innocent once so it’s not your fault you’re a dick, have a toy.

Patriarchy and other P words

Caitlin Moran wrote something recently which I took to mean it’s time for ardent feminists to put down their weapons. At least for a while. We all know Caitlin has been held aloft as the face of feminism, so this might seem a bit contradictory but she’s right.

6.65 . . .

I expect something nebulous to happen as I reach 6.66km on my pedometer. It never does, but that’s what I’ve been doing in case you’ve been wondering. I’ve also been doing a bit of work here and there which is why I haven’t been here. I know, I know, it’s been awful. Anyway, I hope soon to return on a more regular basis but for the mean time you can find me writing a weekly news round-up for the Irish News Review here:  http://irishnewsreview.net/category/nibs you can follow on twitter here: @irishnewsreview

 

Or if you should be so inclined you can find my relocated Remote Control blog over at the London Metro here: http://blogs.metro.co.uk/author/katebellamy/

 

Or me, here; @_KateMate

Remote Control (London Metro) -River Cottage Three Go Mad

 

http://blogs.metro.co.uk/tv/remote-control-river-cottage-three-go-mad-2/